


Beer Before Liquor

by Marvinetta



Category: The Losers, The Losers (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-15
Updated: 2010-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 20:49:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvinetta/pseuds/Marvinetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic should cover numerous prompts from  <a href="http://community.livejournal.com/thelosers_fans/4550.html">The Losers_Fans Prompt Party</a>  including  wanting DrunkFlirt!Jensen, wanting Cougar cheating at cards, wanting a drunken BJ with a side of kink and emotional issues, and a request for Cougar's deliberate sabotage of Jensen's attempts to pick up women. There might be more, that post is a very bad influence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beer Before Liquor

The bar wasn't the best they'd ever been in, but it certainly wasn't the worst. Jolene had talked everyone into going out, and behaving like normal people for one night. They'd even been careful to really conceal their weapons so she could think they weren't armed, except for Pooch who actually wasn't. Despite all the objections at first, everyone seemed to be having a good time. The night had started very early in the afternoon with Happy Hour, and only one booth available. That meant six people had squeezed into a space designed for four. Jensen felt a little weird wedged against the wall, trying to ignore the fact that he could see where Aisha's hands were, and had been sharing commiserating looks with Cougar all afternoon, who was also leaning into the wall, and trying to ignore what was going on between Pooch and Jolene. Luckily, most of the time there was food or trivia to keep hands above the table.

When Happy Hour had ended, Pooch and Jolene were the first to leave, presumably to make the most of the time while the baby was at her mother's. Clay had produced a deck of cards, shifted to the other side of the table, and challenged the table to a few hands of poker. Between the outrageous bets, and the constant flow of beer, even Aisha seemed to be having a good time. Especially when she started siding with Jensen that Cougar was obviously cheating.

"Holy shit, he DOES cheat," Aisha finally growled, and lunged across the table. Jensen tried to hold her to the bench without copping a feel while Clay rescued the beer pitcher. Cougar was slowly sinking under the table while Aisha tried to search him for hidden cards. "He's totally cheating! I'm gonna find out how and -"

Just then, the band that had been setting up launched into a warm-up and Clay grimaced. "On that horribly butchered note, it's time for me head out. You staying or going?"

Aisha flopped back down into her seat and scooted closer to Jensen. With her arms crossed, she glared at Cougar as he readjusted his shirt with a smirk. Jensen just laid his forehead on the table and gave into the laughter.

"I'm not leaving until I can prove he's cheating," Aisha pointed at Cougar. "He's a sneaky son of a bitch. I agree with Jensen, this can not continue. We're on a mission. Mission: Cougar's a Cheating Bastard."

"We've been trying to figure it out for years," Clay flagged down the waitress. "It's a mission that will need a lot more planning and sobriety than can currently be found at this table."

"I'm on to you," Aisha pointed at Cougar one more time as she gathered her bag and jacket. She squeezed Jensen's shoulder as Clay pushed her in the direction of the door. "Pour salt in his beer when he's not looking."

"I'm paying the tab up till now, anything else is on you guys," Clay saluted his team and pointed to the stage. "I will be impressed if you can put up with that for much longer."

Stretching his legs out across the bench, Jensen saluted back and resisted making any 'too loud, too old' comments. He was just happy to have the entire bench to himself. Cougar saluted too, and then waved at the waitress. They watched Clay and Aisha leave the bar, and sat in silence for several minutes until another pitcher of beer showed up on the table.

"She almost seemed normal tonight," Jensen finally commented, holding out his glass for Cougar to refill. "At least now we know she won't murder us in our sleep until she figures out how you cheat at cards."

Cougar laughed and raised his glass for a toast. The band was in full swing, and the lead singer was putting on a quite a show. They sat watching the kid flail around as they drank in silence. After a while, Jensen turned back to the table for another refill and found Cougar watching him.

"Sup, Cougs?"

"You're quiet tonight."

"I guess it's just been so long since I've been in an American bar, drinking cheap American beer, with conversation that doesn't involve a mission or revenge," Jensen shrugged and refilled both glasses. "Last time we did anything remotely similar was Roque's birthday … well. I'm drunk enough that if I go down that particular Memory Lane I won't be back anytime soon. Who knows when we'll be able to do this again, so let's enjoy it."

"More cards?" Cougar asked, dropping the deck into the middle of the table.

"Or you could go pick up those girls over there for us," Jensen idly started shuffling the deck. "They've been eyeballing your hat for a while now. And you do kind of owe me."

"How do I owe you?" Cougar tipped his hat back a little, it was a small motion but it allowed him to see the girls Jensen had nodded to. They smiled at him, and he smiled back. The crowd surged again, and he lost sight of them, so he focused on Jensen, who was still shuffling the cards and watching the band again.

"Dude, you've cockblocked me so many times, it's bordering on ridiculous," Jensen turned back to the table and almost offered the deck to be cut before he changed his mind and went back to shuffling.

"Name one time," Cougar used his knee to nudge Jensen under the table to get his attention. Jensen sighed at the look on Cougar's face, it was the same face he used when he got accused of making a mistake. On anyone else, it would signal hurt feelings.

"Last week when you picked me up from work, I'd been flirting with the redhead in Accounts Payable until you showed up and asked her to dinner while I was busy unfucking a smartphone for the manager," Jensen dropped the cards in the middle of the table, and went back to his beer.

"I didn't realize you liked her," Cougar actually looked apologetic and Jensen couldn't help but laugh.

"Dude, you get a target in your sights, and you don't see anything else. I learned a long time ago not to take it personally," Jensen raised his glass for a toast but Cougar shook his head.

"No. How often do I do that?" Cougar was leaning forward now, and Jensen realized belatedly this unfortunate conversation topic was now solidly in the sniper's sights.

"It's not a big deal. It was a joke; you don't owe me. Besides, you keep looking at me like that and the girls at the bar might get the wrong idea," Jensen clinked his glass against Cougar's anyway and tried to turn towards the stage, but Cougar put a hand on his arm.

"It is a big deal, it's not how friends treat each other," Cougar leaned back and twisted his glass in his hands, staring at Jensen with that focused look that meant there was no use arguing with him. Then Cougar opened his mouth to say something, but shut his mouth firmly and looked away. Before Jensen could ask what was wrong, the girls from the bar were suddenly at the table, waving shots and asking to sit down.

Jensen welcomed the distraction as he and Cougar fell into the routine they'd used dozens of times in bars and clubs around the world. Jensen did most of the talking; taught the girls how to shuffle the cards properly, and acted shocked they didn't know how to play poker. Cougar upheld his end of the bargain by silently working the cards to make sure whomever Jensen wanted to win, won. When the lights came on, Jensen laughed as the girls bailed with smiles and hugs, but not even a phone number.

The sidewalks were full with the bar-closing rush hour. The two men stood near the door, waiting for the crowd to thin out some before they started out. Jensen slapped Cougar on the back as the girls from the bar went past in a cab, blowing kisses as they went. Cougar just tipped his hat and smiled slightly.

"I think we're getting too old for college girls," Jensen waved back cheerfully. "We need to change our game plan, maybe start aiming for older women. Hey Cougar, you could get-"

"No." Cougar cut off the joke before Jensen could finish. Jensen was still trying to make the joke five minutes later when they passed a liquor store that was still open.

"You know, I'm going to be hung-over anyway. Might as well get some for the road and get seriously blitzed. Like that night in Reno, right before Pooch got married," Jensen started in without waiting to see if Cougar would follow.

"I remember it, I'm surprised you do."

"Well, I remember most of it," Jensen wandered down the aisles, noting what was available. "Think I can haul a case of beer into my hotel room without drawing too much attention at 3am? Or would a twelve pack be enough?"

"Just grab a bottle," Cougar picked up a bottle of top shelf tequila and held it out to Jensen. "When did you get a hotel room?"

"Didn't feel like hearing drunk sex all night unless it's strangers, or me. So I rented a room down the street," Jensen hesitated before grabbing the bottle. "You want to tag along?"

Cougar shrugged, which Jensen took as a yes. They wandered the store as Jensen added things to the list of things they "needed". Eventually, they made it out of the store, each carrying a bag. They walked the few blocks to the hotel in silence. It wasn't until they were in the elevator that Cougar asked how many beds were in the room.

"And you're just thinking about that now?" Jensen giggled until Cougar's glare settled on him.

Jensen had to bite back laughter as he headed down the hall to his room. He made a grand sweeping gesture when the door opened, and Cougar slipped past him into the room without a word. The room was actually really nice, compared the shit-holes they'd been in lately. Two queen beds, a nice sized table with padded roller chairs, a decent sized TV, and a couch. It even had a microwave and a mini-fridge.

Cougar set the bottle of tequila, two plastic cups, and the deck of cards on the small table before taking off his coat and tossing it on the bed closest to the door. Jensen busied himself by unpacking the rest of the food before tossing his coat on the bed near the window and sank into one of the chairs.

"It's a nice room," Cougar said, dropping into the other chair. He opened the tequila and poured out hefty amounts for each of them.

"Yeah, wish we'd had a place like this in Bolivia or LA," Jensen eyed the plastic cup. He then smiled, and raised it in a toast. "To no more shitty hotels."

"Agreed," Cougar couldn't help but smile as he returned the toast. Silence drifted back over the pair as they listened to the air-conditioning unit whirr to life.

"So, what's up? And don't say nothing," Jensen asked, swirling his drink in the cup a bit.

"I really didn't realize I was stealing women you were interested in," Cougar tipped his hat back again and locked eyes with Jensen.

"I said it's no big deal, I've never taken it personally. And it's not really that bad, I was just messing with you," Jensen tried to sound as convincing as possible, but he knew he was probably failing.

"Jensen," Cougar leaned forward and grimaced slightly before finishing his thought. "I didn't know you actually liked women."

Jensen blinked several times and wasn't sure if he'd heard right. Instead he drained his cup and refilled it before refilling Cougar's.

"I'm not really sure how to reply to that," Jensen shook his head, afraid to meet his friend's eyes. "I've been your wingman for years. You've walked in on me having sex."

"You haven't put serious effort into a woman in a long time," Cougar said quietly. "And I saw who you took to your hotel room in Reno. Pooch and I both did."

"What, serious effort? Reno? What the fuck, you guys never mentioned…" Jensen knew he was turning bright red, and was regretting inviting Cougar up to the room. "You saw? But didn't say anything?"

Cougar shrugged. "It wasn't important."

"Well, now it is. Jesus, does Clay know, too?"

"No, I don't think so. Why would it matter?"

"It matters because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

"We aren't soldiers anymore."

"Yeah, I'm aware-"

"So it doesn't matter."

Jensen slammed his cup down on the table, which would have had more impact if it weren't plastic. Instead it made a pathetic thwacking noise, which was barely audible over the air conditioner. It made Jensen laugh, and he found he couldn't stop. The look of confusion on Cougar's face just made him laugh even harder, until his sides hurt. It took several minutes before he finally stopped laughing and took his glasses off to wipe a few tears off his face.

"So, you've been cockblocking me for over a year because of one night in Reno?" Jensen couldn't help but start laughing again. Cougar flushed and found a spot on the floor to stare at. "This is fucking priceless. Anything else you want to fill me in on, while we're here?"

"Pooch and I didn't see you go into your room at the same time."

"How does that factor in-?"

"He thought it was me at first," Cougar said, so softly Jensen almost thought he'd misheard.

Jensen's brain shut down instead of processing all the information he'd just learned. He was pretty certain that even sober he'd be confused. He finally shook his head and poured himself another drink.

"Alright. We're going to backtrack because I'm confused. Why did Pooch think you were in my room?"

"He saw a guy in a cowboy hat, making out with you, then going into your room."

"The guy was blonde."

"I know. I had a better vantage point."

"Why would Pooch even think you'd want to be in my room? You're totally straight."

"Not totally."

Jensen felt his mind go blank again, and he felt a headache coming on. It really had been a bad idea to invite Cougar up to the room. As much as he wanted to just kick his teammate out, he couldn't stop asking questions. Cougar silently held his cup out, and Jensen refilled it.

"Why all the women then?" Jensen asked, and watched as Cougar took a small drink.

"It's easier. Less complicated." The sniper finally sat back and met Jensen's eyes. "You?"

"I like both, pretty much always have. Once I enlisted though, it was safer to just stick to girls. Reno was the first time in years I'd been with a guy," Jensen shrugged, wondering how on Earth the conversation had even come into being.

Of all the times his mouth had gotten him into trouble, this was quickly climbing towards the top of the list. As the silence stretched on, Jensen found himself really looking at his teammate. He went over events in his mind, wondering if he'd just missed any signs, or he'd seen them and misinterpreted them. He considered Cougar one of his best friends; they'd been to hell and back numerous times. They'd walked in on each other before, woken each other up from nightmares, and even shared a toothbrush once or twice.

When he'd first joined the unit, Jensen wanted Cougar in a very non-platonic way. It didn't take long though, before Jensen gave up any hope of it being a reality. Part of the reason he'd buried the feelings was because he didn't want to risk losing his spot. It was the first unit he'd been in where he was considered an equal, where they didn't treat him like he was a freak. The other reason was Cougar didn't even seem to like him at first. It had taken six months before Cougar would even talk to him outside of a mission. Surprisingly, Roque had been his biggest supporter those first few months. It was Roque who made Cougar start being nice to Jensen. When Cougar finally did warm up to Jensen, the friendship had cemented fast, which made Jensen bury his feelings even deeper.

And now things were probably going to get weird. Cougar finally seemed to notice Jensen was staring at him, and smiled weakly. Jensen started to hope they were both drunk enough that they'd forgot it all in the morning.

"I should have told you," Cougar finally broke the silence, and Jensen jumped a bit at the noise. "I didn't want you on the team at first, you were distracting. After a while, I figured you were straight, and it was safe to be your friend. I wasn't angry at you in Reno because you'd ditched us, I was angry about him."

"Why are you telling me this?" Jensen asked, even though he didn't want to hear any answers.

"If we remember tonight, things would be weird. And I'm tired of lying," Cougar said plainly. "If you decide to hate me, you should have all the information at least."

"You're an asshole," Jensen couldn't stop the words coming out, and the hurt look that flashed across Cougar's face made him feel even worse for saying it. Deciding that nothing else would really make things worse at this point, Jensen put his cup down and rolled his chair the short distance to Cougar's. "I should punch you."

Cougar opened his mouth to say something, but Jensen cut him off by leaning in and kissing him. The kiss started off deeper than Jensen intended, but he didn't care. He felt Cougar start to pull back, and grabbed a fist full of his shirt. "If you pull away, I will deck you."

To Jensen's surprise, Cougar wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and took control of the kiss. The move caught Jensen off guard, and he made a small noise of surprise. The chair started to roll backwards and he felt Cougar shift, sliding off his own chair to kneel between Jensen's legs. Jensen felt a hand on his belt, and tried to pull back to question Cougar, but lost his thought when Cougar bit his lip hard enough to nearly draw blood.

"No more talking," Cougar's voice was a rough whisper and Jensen finally let go of the other man's shirt, pushing the cowboy hat off so he could sink his hands into the mass of dark hair. He realized belatedly, that things were definitely going to be weird in the morning. Cougar had finished unbuckling Jensen's belt, and was working on his pants now with both hands.

Jensen wondered half-heartedly if he should start working on Cougar's clothes, but then Cougar hauled him to his feet and broke the kiss just long enough to pull Jensen's shirt up and over his head, and push his jeans down to his ankles. Thoughts kept trying to pierce the drunken fog in Jensen's head, but whenever Cougar touched him, his mind blanked again. Cougar pushed him back down in the chair and started trailing hot, wet kisses down his throat. Jensen tried to close his knees on reflex, but encountered Cougar's still clothed body.

He twitched as Cougar's hair tickled his hip, and he could feel the other man's breath on his erection. Opening his eyes, he caught Cougar smiling at him. He smiled back, and then his face fell slack with shock as Cougar opened his mouth and took his full length with one motion. His hands clenched in the mass of dark hair and it took a lot of effort not to tug at it. Jensen's head fell back against the chair and he whimpered as Cougar did something with his tongue that made him convulse. He could feel the other man's whiskers occasionally against his stomach and balls, and Cougar's callused fingers were digging into his hips hard enough that he'd probably bruise.

Jensen started tugging at Cougar's hair as he felt his orgasm approaching. He tried to talk and nothing came out but a long groan. Finally Jensen let go of Cougar's hair and grabbed his shirt and tugged with all the strength he could muster. Instead of dislodging the man, it made Cougar laugh around Jensen's dick, making the blonde shiver as he came hard.

Head still lolled back, Jensen finally managed to open his eyes and he stared at the ceiling while Cougar sat back and took a long drink of Tequila. When Jensen finally managed to get his breathing under control, he leaned forward and realized that at some point, Cougar had opened his own jeans. Then it registered that Cougar was wiping at something on the floor with a napkin.

"I was going to offer to return the favor, but it looks like you're good for a while," Jensen smiled weakly and leaned forward to run his hands through Cougar's hair in a vain attempt to tame it.

Cougar laughed and the sound made Jensen smile more. Pulling the sniper back to him, Jensen kissed him slowly. For a man that didn't talk much, Cougar definitely had a very talented tongue and it wasn't long before Jensen found himself groaning again. After a long time, Cougar finally pulled away reluctantly and stood up to start stripping out of his own clothes. Jensen took the opportunity to kick off his shoes and jeans finally.

"It's 4am, we should sleep," Cougar tossed his clothes on to the bed next to his jacket and then moved Jensen's jacket and clothes as well. After pulling back the covers on the bed Jensen had claimed earlier he paused. "Which side do you want?"

"I really don't care at this point," Jensen smiled and wheeled his chair around to the side closest to the window and slid under the covers. He felt Cougar slip a holster over the headboard, and another gun under the mattress, then double check the front door was bolted and all the windows were locked. The familiarity of the routine made Jensen start to hope that the morning wouldn't be too weird, and he was asleep before Cougar climbed back into bed.

Jensen woke up some time later, and it took several minutes before the night came back in disjointed memories. He rolled over to see if Cougar was awake, but discovered the other half of the bed was empty. Sitting up, he glanced around the room and realized that neither Cougar, nor his hat, were there.

"Well, so much for not being weird," Jensen rubbed his face and grimaced at the weird taste in his mouth. He finally got up the energy to wander into the bathroom, and grimaced again when he went to pee and discovered that he had indeed bruised. Each hip had several bright purple, finger shaped bruises. He climbed into the shower and turned the water on as hot as he could stand. With his head against the hard tile, Jensen started going through things he could possibly say to make things not be completely fucked up when he saw Cougar again.

After attempting to scrub off the memories with the crappy hotel soap, Jensen finally turned off the water and shoved the shower curtain aside. Blinking slowly, his mind misfired twice before he realized Cougar was standing at the sink, brushing his teeth. Wearing Jensen's shirt.

"Hi," was all Jensen could think of to say. Cougar responded by waving a second toothbrush. Jensen watched silently as Cougar spit out his toothpaste and left the bathroom. It wasn't until he started shivering that he realized he was still standing stark naked in the bathtub, dripping wet. With a string of mumbled curses, Jensen grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Toothpaste had never tasted better, and as Jensen attacked his teeth, he tried to figure out where to start the conversation.

After giving himself a mental pep talk, Jensen wandered out of the bathroom. Toothbrushes and toothpaste weren't the only things Cougar had picked up while he was out. There was a small bag with what looked like clean clothes, two coffee cups, and two breakfast sandwiches. All his anger at waking up alone evaporated as his stomach rumbled.

Sitting in the same chair from last night made Jensen uncomfortable, but the lure of food was too great. Making sure the towel was secure, Jensen rolled up to the table and quickly unwrapped breakfast. Cougar had his back to the table, pulling clothes out of the bag. Jensen took a bite of breakfast sandwich and watched as Cougar tugged off the shirt Jensen had worn yesterday and pull on a clean one. Cougar then tossed a pair of clean jeans and a clean shirt onto the rumpled bed near Jensen and sat down in the other chair.

"Thanks," Jensen kicked himself again, wishing he could come up with something better.

"De nada," Cougar said before picking up his coffee. They sat in silence as they ate and finished off their coffee. Jensen fished out the bottle of aspirin he'd had the sense to pick up at the liquor store and popped two. Cougar waved off the offer. Jensen realized he needed to get dressed but the thought of getting naked in front of Cougar, while he'd done it hundreds of times before, was suddenly not an option. He picked up the clothes and headed back to the bathroom.

"Pooch was up when I snuck into the house to grab the clothes," Cougar finally broke the silence when Jensen came back out.

"Did he realize you were wearing my shirt?" Jensen asked, tossing said dirty clothes into the bag.

"I didn't realize. Until he pointed it out," Cougar leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, propping his head up with his hands. He then reached over and shook out two aspirin from the bottle, downing them without water, before resting his head back in his hands.

Jensen propped a hip against the bathroom doorframe and tried to line up his thoughts. Since Pooch probably had an idea about what had happened, they'd have to work it out sooner rather than later, as much as he'd rather have a discussion like this without a hangover.

"Clay was up, too."

"Fuckbeans," Jensen pushed away from the wall and flopped into his chair again. He fixed the top of Cougar's head with an intent look. Cougar's hair completely hid his face, so Jensen had no idea what the other man was thinking. "Did he see my shirt?"

"Yeah."

"Did he say anything?"

Cougar just nodded, and Jensen got annoyed.

"Well, what did he say?"

"That Jolene was making stroganoff for you for dinner since you won at trivia, so we had to be back by seven."

Jensen didn't know what he'd been expecting, but that definitely not it. He rubbed the back of his neck, and tried to muster the courage to push the conversation further. He didn't know if it was the hangover, or if Cougar was actively trying to avoid the conversation, but getting the man to talk this morning was proving more difficult than normal.

"So. We should probably talk about last night before we show up to dinner," Jensen rolled to the mini fridge and dug out two bottles of water. He tapped Cougar on the arm with one, and was happy when Cougar accepted it and leaned back in his chair. When Cougar continued his silence, Jensen sighed and figured he'd have to be the one to start.

"I'm sorry I made the joke about owing me in the bar. I'm sorry that I started this whole mess."

"I'm sorry I took advantage of you last night. I shouldn't have let you drink so much."

"Took advantage…"Jensen nearly choked on his water and sputtered for a few seconds before finally getting it down the right tube. "How the hell do you figure that? I mean, granted, parts are still a bit fuzzy, but I'm fairly certain I'm the one who kissed you first. And I guess I should also apologize for saying I should punch you. Twice. And I'm also very certain I was an active participant. I wasn't so drunk that I wouldn't have actually punched you if I didn't want you in my pants."

Cougar's face was still partly hidden by his hair, but the tightness was lessening a bit and Jensen realized belatedly that Cougar was fuzzy on the night too and feeling guilty. The blonde stretched out and kicked Cougar in the leg, hard enough to hurt. When Cougar's head jerked around, Jensen glared back.

"That's for thinking I'd hate you."

Cougar finally laughed, and Jensen started to hope that things were on their way to not being weird.

"So are we good?" Cougar asked quietly.

"Nah, I don't think so," Jensen stood up and stretched and had to struggle to keep a straight face when he saw Cougar's surprised expression. "I mean, it's a start. But if we're going by one blowjob per cockblock, we're probably going to need to keep the room for at least a week. Unless you want to work out some other repayment system?"

Jensen yelped in surprise as Cougar was suddenly out of the chair and pushing him onto the bed. He laughed as Cougar started to undo his belt again. The sniper was straddling him one moment and then suddenly, Cougar smirked at him and flipped Jensen onto his stomach. When he tried to move, Cougar pinned him down.

"I vote for 'other' methods," Cougar whispered into Jensen's ear, and slipped a hand down the back of Jensen's jeans.

"I, uh, second that, oh hi, motion…"


End file.
